For the past four years my boyfriend claimed he owed taxes and didn’t get a refund. I always get a big tax return and he always seems to have a perfectly timed financial emergency. Recently he’s been asking me if I filed my taxes and when I expect to get my return. I worked for that money and don’t want to share it with him. Should I continue giving him my money, lie and tell him I haven’t filed my taxes, or should I come out and tell him I don’t want to share? Please help.
Ms. 1040 EZ (Washington, DC)
Dear Ms. 1040 EZ,
Oh my! This guy sounds like a real winner. Apparently you have a kind heart and care deeply for your boyfriend. Unfortunately, he is using your value system and your affection for him to manipulate you into doling out the dollars. This may sound harsh, my dear, but you are being hustled by your lover. He factors your tax return into his budget and creates “financial emergencies” to force you to act quickly without having time to think about what is actually taking place. I’m willing to bet, if you carefully examine your relationship, tax season isn’t the only time you’re being taken to the cleaners.
You already expressed that you don’t want to give him your money, so continuing to finance the romance is not an option. The question you may want to consider: Is this the type of guy with whom you want to be in a relationship? If you are willing and able, there is nothing wrong with helping out your significant other financially. However, your boyfriend lying and manipulating is evidence of a character flaw that will most certainly permeate other areas of the relationship.
Lying and telling your boyfriend you didn’t file taxes, will only signal him that you are willing to play his game and chances are he’s far better at it than you. My advice: Tell Mr. Financial Emergency you’ve pulled the brake and the gravy train won’t be making any more runs. Chances are, he’ll hop on the first thing smoking but you (and your bank account) will be better because of it.
Love & Light,
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